Tuesday, September 30, 2008

My Work Here is Done


I just got finished watching the Redskins beat the Cowboys on Sunday when my sister Lynda called. We were talking about the game and my nephew Matthew got on the phone to whoop it up with me about the Skins win. He was talking about dreading school so I told him to fake sick tonight. He said, "I think my Mom is too smart for that". I explained that he needs to start coughing that night, during a commercial or as she is walking into the room. I stressed the importance of not "over doing it" and just to cough with no explanation. "You see Matthew", I explained, "it is like if you are dealt a full house, you don't go all-in on the first bet, you have to be subtle." He said he'd give it a shot. Then he wanted to talk to my dad. My dad asked him if he was going to get all A's. I got on the phone and told him, "don't listen to Grandpa, he got all C's when he was your age." Matthew's response, "Well, he is a very successful man for getting all C's!" "How astute Matthew", I said, "but you are missing my point. When you parents give you a hard time for getting a "C" just tell them that Grandpa got all C's and he is a very successful man." "OOOHHHHH, I see, that is a good one Aunt Cathy."

....my work here is done.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Revenge is a sweet thing

Last Saturday I went to the local Vietnamese nail parlor to have my eyebrows and upper lip waxed. This is one of those chores that women endure on an approximately monthly basis. Now this time I got somebody who hadn't performed this particular ritual on me before. The woman must have still been holding a grudge from the Vietnam War. I say this because she took a bit more time, a second or so, than necessary when pulling the strips off of my eyebrows.  When I peeked out of one eye I swear I saw a sinister grin hidden between her lips as my eyelid stretched and my teeth gritted with pain. Then, she plucked the stragglers at particularly glacial pace as she giggled with pleasure. Well, I guess it made her day. I was in considerable discomfort the remainder of the day.

I was at Hooters for lunch the other day and as I observed all the old men staring at the young college girls breasts in their skimpy tops, I wondered what kind of business could I start that exploited beautiful young girls. Then it struck me, an all female oil and lube joint. Sure, guys could be in the pits but young scantily clad girls in high heels could check the customers in and wash their cars...hmmmm....just an idea. 




Sunday, September 21, 2008

CUBS WIN CUBS WIN CUBS WIN CUBS WIN!!!!!


Somewhere I can hear Harry Caray screaming at the top of his lungs. 

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Jim the Squirrel


There is this squirrel that hangs outside my office building and he is exceedingly friendly. Apparently, the receptionist and other ladies began feeding it and now he is so used to people he just scampers right up to you. The other day he ran right at me and perched on my foot. I gave him a cracker, which he took right out of my hands, and he took it up a tree to his nest. I don't think it is a good idea to feed wild animals but I have to admit the little guy is adorable. Although he can be pretty persistent if he is hungry and demands food. The only drawback is that the ladies named him "Jim". Jim was an old dear friend of mine whom I miss tremendously, so I get a little sad every time little "Jim" greets me at the front door. I'm thinking a five iron to little Jim's head should solve the problem....just kidding, look at his face!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

My sister is a Gay Man...Dude was Trippin

Question: Who owns a purple Ipod with Madonna on it and an engraving saying "Judy Garland Forever"...Perez Hilton, Richard Simmons or George Michael?? Nope...my sister Susan. She is truly a lost cause.


One of my favorite songs of all time is Moonage Daydream by David Bowie. It was playing in my car on the way to work and I realized I didn't know some of the lyrics. So I looked them up and MAN THE DUDE HAD TO BE ON LSD! Great song.


Moonage Daydream (Bowie)

I'm an alligator, I'm a mama-papa coming for you
I'm the space invader, I'll be a rock 'n' rolling bitch for you Keep your mouth shut, you're squawking like a pink monkey bird
And I'm busting up my brains for the words
Keep your 'lectric eye on me babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream oh yeah!
Don't fake it baby, lay the real thing on me
The church of man, love, is such a holy place to be
Make me baby, make me know you really care
Make me jump into the air
Keep your 'lectric eye on me babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream oh yeah! Yeah!
Keep your 'lectric eye on me babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream oooooh!
Keep your 'lectric eye on me babePut your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream oh yeah!
Freak out, far out, in out....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I Just Threw Up in My Mouth!!

My friend Jon told me that her husband said he wanted to die the day BEFORE she died because he doesn't want to live a day without her.


...I think I'm gonna be sick...

Saturday, September 06, 2008

I Saw Dad Smile

Not a lot has been going on at the Reeder house. Hurricane Ike is threatening to hit south Florida and as long as it stays towards the south, I think we will be OK. I hope I don't have to put the shutters up and board some windows...what a pain in the ass.

The Cubs are breaking my heart! They have lost six straight and if it weren't for the fact that the Brewers have been equally as horrible, the Cubs would not still be in first place. This is the year. It has to be. Susan thinks she is a jinx. At first I laughed but every game we have been to this year they have lost (one in Tampa and two in Miami). So, I can only deduce that Susan is indeed a jinx. 

Well, at least she is good at something.  I told her we could sacrifice one of her hair ball barfing, pooping, shedding mongrels to the great God of the Billy Goat curse...but she defiantly refused...BITCH! Just for fun...which one do you think should mysteriously disappear in the middle of the night ;) Pick a Cat....ANY CAT...PLEASE! VOTE in the POLL on the left of this page.



Now, as to the title of this post, I found a TV show (particularly a character) that makes Dad ACTUALLY laugh. Dad laughing is an unusual departure from his ranting,
cussing and chicken throwing behavior. The show is HOUSE and  has been on a while but I never watched it until now. It's a drama but has enough humor that makes it a perfect mix. And, bonus points for not being a Law and Order. The problem with Dad watching that show is that because Dad's memory is failing, he can watch the same episode a hundred times. That makes it difficult to sit and watch TV with him (without consuming a vast amount of alcohol...that I generally do). So this new show is a "win/win" situation for me and Susan. And, as a bonus, no chickens get harmed.